Passing...
This page was last updated 12/25/2005 07:02:07 AM
What is passing? Why do we strive for it? Make sure you jump back to my articles on Attitude , Feminine Movement, and Victim status to fully understand the attributes that cause us to pass or not to pass.
If you think about it, actually passing means that in a crowd, you never get picked out, or that you never get negatively individually noticed as you cross the street. (A recent Oprah show had the cast from "He's a Lady" on. One of the larger men talked about how he was so disappointed about how he was "consciously ignored") Now this may be suitable on occasion, but the majority of us don't want to completely blend into the woodwork and not stand out at all. After all, most of us are demonstrative egotists with a strong dose of narcissism built in. We simply have to temper our narcissism a bit and hope that we don't completely stand out, unless we want to!
In this section I will speak to "passing" as an 80% movement through the masses without being singled out. The remaining 20% that causes us to stand out will probably be there regardless of how we look, some males and some females simply have to look at others with criticism. I find that young adults tend to be very critical in groups and can be very cruel. Remember to have a strong attitude and look up and smile at possible negative contacts. It works more often than you may think.
It is tough to 90% pass when you are wearing the highest heels in the room, have the tightest clothes and have more hair than three other patrons combined. You simply have to be more conservative in your basic approach and "de-tune" the wanton appearance by 80%.
Typically when I am getting ready to go out in the daytime and do some routine shopping, I tend to start off with light makeup and average clothes and low-heel shoes. If I make it out the door with the original outfit and look, I would have been an 80-95% passing person. Unfortunately, the desire to stand out more takes over and I amp up the makeup to the point that the hair has to be spiked out a little to match and the clothes have to go up a notch and the shoes have to give a better angle to the legs and so on and so on. I am my own worst enemy!! My current love is to wear my size 5 skin tight hip hugger jeans with a tight top that always seems to show just a bit of tummy while wearing my 4 or 5 inch heels. Now heels under these pants are in style and no one can really see how high they are, they just look right. then I crank up the attitude and hit the mall.
Most of my passing ability now comes from the clothes rather than the hair or makeup or whatever else.
By setting a goal before starting and sticking to it, most of us could easily pass at the 90% level. A friend and I tried an experiment. I picked her makeup, hair, clothes shoes and accessories for her. She wore everything exactly as I indicated. I went along in male mode as an escort to watch the reaction of the onlookers. When my guinea pig made no changes and didn't "clump" as she walked, virtually no one stared at her. She passed at the 95% level with ease.
I then dressed at her behest, minimum everything, and the two of us went out. Two women together raised no more eyebrows than the couple. Hmmmm
Then one of us "amped-up" our appearance and went out with a male appearing person. We passed at a 10% level due to the enhanced appearance. Two "amped-out" women really brought the score down to .5% passing. We got what we wanted generally, the really bold outfits and looks got the bold attention.
Try getting ready and having a non-biased neighbor or friend check you out before you go out. (Of course you have to cultivate this friendly neighbor beforehand, don't simply drop by one night for a "look-over"!!) The biggest problem is accepting the criticism of the neighbor.
A reminder of this criticism story occurred at ESPRIT in Port Angeles 2 years ago. I was an attendee and had worn my best matching totally red outfit to a fashion class. The instructor went through a number of comparisons and told us how to accessorize and how to match items. She then asked for volunteers to step forward and be judged for an overall arbitrary score. After tripping a bunch of other volunteers, I got to the front of the line and walked into the sights of our totally subjective instructor. She added and subtracted points from my score for various items that I was sure were simply all perfect! When she finished, I was right in there with the rest of the participants, we stood out like sore thumbs!! Takes a pretty thick skin to simply let all the criticism wash over you and not let it bother you. I went back to my room and changed into the most bland outfit I had and went back to the instructor. She upgraded my score to passable and stated that I was now capable of lunching anywhere without drawing undue attention.
That class taught me to think with my head and eyes and not with the little head.
Look at the other sections and learn to combine attitude with walking ability and movement and makeup to create the most passable woman that you want to be...